Move on

That night is still imprinted distinctly in my head,
It makes me squirm and shiver in my bed.
A silvery tear rolls from my eye,
as my mind ponders over what you told was truth or lie.
The demarcation between your words and deeds leads me astray.
Never even in my distant thoughts I had thought you could betray.
And now I'm treading on the path of emotional assault,
my life it seems has come to a grinding halt.
I repent trusting you and believing the false promises you made,
Little did I know that with the passage of time meaning of words fade.
But I realise, that life isn't about mourning that's lost,
Its about making the best of what you have got.
People trample over your trust and change like seasons,
some walk out of you life without giving a proper reason.
So I'm glad about what I have and stopped mourning about what's gone,
So I get up, dust myself and move on.
 

Kiss of the Rain

The time is here. The time of the year which we Mumbaikars crave for subconsciously despite deliriously loving the Sun so much. It has been pouring whole night and I'm under my comforters. A gentle breeze stirs me awake and rain sprinkles on my face. My idea of a perfect morning before I'm beckoned my the irritating sound of my alarm clock. I have expressed my affinity towards rain in previous blog posts and now I'm reliving its magic :D

My extra classes have started and I'm already loving commerce! :D I'm surrounded by the people who love me and the negativity is out of my life. Life isn't perfect. But I'm happy. So Im moving ahead with a clear thinking and no speed breakers to block me on my journey.Again starting on my journey to self discovery! Enlighten the trip and jump in the wagon :D

Love and laughter
Nupur :)

I've had trust issues

It has been a year since I started my blog and have already penned down my thoughts and opinions in 111 posts! I have bared my heart and shared my deepest concerns with you all. My writing reflected the thoughts of an eccentric fifteen year old sometimes, and at times a teenager who is struggling to find her lost identity in the world. Truthfully speaking, I am a bit of both. I am mature enough to take my own decisions. I don't need any advises when it comes to taking my own decisions. I decide what I'm going to do, whose going to be there in my life and who is not. But at the same time, I am emotionally weak. My heart still aches when I have to let go the things which I have held to my heart since a long time and when my trust gets trampled over and over again. 

In fact, my trust has been broken by different people so many times, that at a point I had decided not to make anymore friends. I had completely isolated myself from the outer world. I would spend days, hours and even weeks analyzing a situation and what went wrong. But I would have no answer. The people I had trusted the most, had turned out to be so fake that I had lost faith in love and friendship.I was tired of smiling in front of everyone in the day and would cry to myself in sleep. So I started breaking others trust. Spilled out things people told me. But it didn't take me much time to realize that I was wrong. I realize that it takes years to build up trust and only suspicion, not proof to destroy it.

My trust issues kept on growing as I grew up. And now they have reached to such an extent that I can't believe what someone has said until I have a proof about it. I have lost many friends cause of my trust issues. They would ask me again and again "why don't you trust me?" and my voice would choke. I would have no answer. I would blame new people in life for the things old people did to me.

But in retrospect, I realize that these incidents have made me stronger emotionally. I have emerged as a much more mature individual. I realize that maturity has more to do with your experiences and less to do with the candles on your cake.

Hard to forget

Yesterday It was hard to remember things,
And today its harder to forget.


-Nupur

When people change

Being of a military background, I have learnt a lot. Life teaches you so many things when you are in a defense background which I wouldn't have learnt otherwise. It has taught me to be more open, more clear and confident about life, be social. But one lesson which I learn quiet early and will cherish for a lifetime is letting go. 

We would have to shift from one place to other in every two years. Just as the bond with friends would start getting stronger, we would part. There would be many tears, but then eventually everybody got busy in their lives and your existence in their lives would hardly matter.

Sometimes I would remissness things in the past, thinking what went wrong or how I could have changed them. I would think about it when I would wake up, in the after while eating my lunch and also before going to bed. I would think about it so much that I would burst out crying. I would blame myself for all those people who left my side, who avoided me and how I could have nurtured those relations.

We make mistakes and sometimes we hurt people who mean the most to us. But letting go isn't giving up, its GROWING up.

Life is all about having fun, taking chances, learning from the past and realizing that people change.

I've let Go Of Everything

"When old shoes start to hurt,
Its time to get a new pair.The same goes for friends"- Nupur

I've been feeling happy lately. If you ask me the reason, I probably wouldn't be able to explain. There is nothing special going on in my life at the moment which would make me smile till my cheeks hurt, yet the grin has taken to my ears.

In retrospect I realize, this change is due to the choices i made in my near past. The people I chose to surround myself with infuse me with renewed energy and reveal a new facet of me. They fill the atmosphere around me with naive positivity and make me laugh till my stomach pains.

I may not be proud of the things I did in past or the person I was.I had experienced complete annihilation under the hands of truth.  But I'm happy with I am today. Life is not perfect, something falls apart at one point or the other. But atleast I'm happy and contended.

I simply let go of my old worn out shoes and got new ones. They are comfortable and make me feel better too :) And sometimes, this is the best way

Love is not just verbal

It was a cold night in the month of December and Delhi was freezing. The old scooter was moving by the speed of a snail in the lonely lane in the outskirts of Delhi. The little girl comforted in her mother’s lap and wrapped up neatly in a shawl clenched her fists tightly as the cold breeze hit her frail body. She was shivering and crying out loud.

She almost slipped from her shawl when her father stopped the rickety old scooter in the middle of the lane. Beads of sweat appeared on the mother’s forehead as she picked up her sari and brought the girl closer to her chest.  They continued the rest of their journey in silence.

Financial conditions were tough. Her father had to pay the house loan. At that time government officer’s salary wasn’t sufficient. He sighed. Once again he was reminded of the pain he was going through. It was a hand to mouth situation. But he didn’t want his daughter’s childhood to be like his. He wanted to give her the best he could. Thoughts raced in his head as he once again stopped the scooter, this time in a crowded place.

He smiled as the girls face bathed in moonlight making her look like an angel. 

Pain reflected on his face as his gaze fell on her clenched teeth and fist. He forgot all his financial problems and decided to buy a car at that instant. He couldn’t let his angel suffer.  He filed the loan application for his car the very next day.  Soon a new car was parked in their parking lot and neither of them had to face the severe cold of Delhi.

The little girl was me. Today she has everything a girl of her age would desire. And she believes she has the best father in the world J

Friends come and go

Friends come and friends go,
Very few of stay for long.
Some friends leave abruptly,
like leaving a stage in the middle of a song.
But our friendship is different,
It is here to stay.
Like dirt, flies and ketchup stains,
It doesn't go away!

-Nupur

A different perspective

The moonlight filtered through the vacillating canopy of the trees and her face bathed in it. She felt as if she had been infused with renewed energy as she smiled to herself. She was in an alternate universe ignorant to all the things happening in the vicinity. The howling of dogs followed by the fluttering of wings of the dragonfly and the breeze that her just hit her face gently seemed to be disconnected, but in her thoughts had an unmatched sync with each other.

As the silver filaments of rain striked the earth she started digging a blissful state of nostalgia. She was reminded of all the beautiful times when she moved into the new city, her set of friends and the fun they had together. She felt the tension and stress ease out of her body as her gaze rested on the ruins of the tea shop where she and her friends had spent the most beautiful time of their lives. Its amusing what role memories play on your worked up mind and relieve stress and tension she thought.

In her soaked form, she felt the rain and lifted her arms to embrace the tiny droplets of rain which shined like pearls. She danced with her arms stretched, like an angel. Divine personification of Venus. Her body it seemed, had let go of the soul captured within and dancer was the only entity her body retained. The gestures of her arms and legs begin to narrate their sad story as tears of joy appeared on the brink of her eyes. She seemed a completely different individual. She felt as if she was reliving her old form that had vanquished in the wake of today's events. She felt herself again.
The moonlight soon faded away and the reddish-yellow Sun peeped behind the frail clouds. She rubbed her eyes to admire the beauty of the Sunrise she had been seeing everyday.
 But now, from a different perspective. 

When reality strikes hard

She checked the time on her watch as her eyebrows shot up wrinkles appeared on her forehead. She was one hour late from school and thoughts raced in her mind of how her mother was going to be mad at her for being late. She recalled the last time it happened, her mother didn’t permit her to go anywhere for a month. She wrapped the shawl around her as she clenched her teeth and started walking. Delhi tends to drop a few degrees in October itself.

Passing by a store she checked herself in the mirror. Reality was far away from her expectations. Her eyes were sunken in their sockets and the fine lines under them were clearly visible. She sighed as her thoughts drove her to what she used to be earlier. A pretty cherubic face which would light up every time she would laugh.  Now she sees shriveled up skin bathed in despair. She sighed at her own reflection as she continued to walk in solitude.

“Natasha!” She heard someone calling her from behind. She looked back as her gaze rested on a friend of hers who lived next door, yet they had not met since weeks.  Rhea and Natasha had been friends since they were toddlers. But time had distanced them. They hardly talked now. Their memories had been etched in her mind. And when they talked, it was more of a formal meeting between two long lost friends.

“What have you been doing these days?” Rhea asked with as she rubbed her palms.

“Nothing much. Just study a little.” Natasha replied as her face was expressionless. She was reminded of all the times when Rhea and she were Best friends and would spend the entire day together. Things were drastically different now. Rhea had got new friends and Natasha engaged herself in studies and painting.

Rhea got the hint. Silence became their accompanist in the rest of the walk.

“Hey, where are you going?” Rhea said as she saw Natasha turning into the lane.

“What do you mean? I’m going home! Mom must be waiting..I’m an hour late.” Natasha replied as she rolled her eyes.

“But you don’t live here anymore! After Aunties’ death...” Rhea paused.

Natasha it seemed had been pushed into reality. For a while she had forgotten that her mother was no more in this world and now they had shifted to a new place where she knew nobody. Tears rolled down her cheeks as the picture of her glorious past splashed in her mind.  She turned around and became ready to complete her journey in solitude again.

“Can I drop you home? Like old times.” Rhea said as her face reflected remorse and guilt.

Let the eyes speak

When words choke in silence

and don't find a way out of my mouth.

EYES SPEAK

A million little things which drown in the silence. A tunnel to my soul, and refection of my personality. Wanting to communicate with you in this eerie silence. 

MY EYES SPEAK, THEY COMMUNICATE 

Only if you want to engrave those deep dark secrets behind them. And discover a new individual.

So sit with me in silence and let the eyes speak. They never lie.