Mumbai, 2014

Just a thought.

I had stopped writing for a while. Simply because I thought why would anyone be interested in reading about my life? I am no celebrity. I haven't climbed the Everest or fought for human rights. I am not even close to this. But at the end of the day, I am a person. And if someone, somewhere has done something heroic worthy of appreciation, doesn't mean that person ceases to be a person. As my favorite writer John Green puts it in his award winning book Paper Towns, (Don't ask me which award. Must have won something considering it was so fabulous.) "What a treacherous thing it is to believe that a person is more than a person."
There are all sorts of people that exist in this world. And the way I look at it, people cannot be divided into segments or factions like they do in a lot of books and movies .People are given labels like nerdy, emotional, diva, snob, indifferent etc. Because in reality, a human being is much more complex. Each person comes with his own insecurities, beliefs and experiences. Thus a person cannot simply be nerdy, or simply be emotional. Because we are combination of more than one traits. We are like those distinct sounds which have unmatched sync with each other, but blend to give rise to a mellifluous euphony.
And even though my life is not as 'readable' as others, it doesn't change the fact that I am an individual. And my life experiences, my aspirations, my thought process cannot be replicated.Though my previous posts might have been slightly pretentious, I promise to be brutally honest about myself henceforth. Or at least, Ill try.

Pushing boundaries

In some not-so-rare instances, I tend to doubt my own sanity. I find myself making sure every 15 minutes if my brain functions fine. I doubt my rationality, I doubt the existence of my conscience. Call this one of my idiosyncrasies but honestly, I don't know what brought about this change due to which my mind is functioning on a different plane.

Can anything in the world be scarier than this epiphany? That you are losing an asset you were proud of,  that you are gradually transforming into someone you would have detested some time back? The fine line between right and wrong is blurring. I have no idea what this change will bring about, but for sometime abeyance should do good. I don't feel the need to do anything about it, for I am certain about one thing, "Change is the only thing that is constant." I want the change to be positive, that's all I ask for.

The truth is, that at core all of us our the same.
Our experiences have modeled us. But deep within we are insecure, scared of people and trying to fit in.
The mask of satiety is a facade.

I believe in God.
I believe in his existence, but I doubt his rationality.
I doubt the fact that he is omnipresent, the fact that he is impartial. 

The thing is, people get what they get, it has little to do with what they deserve.

The world looks so much better from the top

The fault in our stars :)

My favorite places on the Earth- II

Matri Mandir, Pondicherry

Pondicherry is one place where you can go over and over again without getting bored. Two hours drive from Chennai, the road makes its way in the list of Top 10 roads of Asia.

If you want a break from your dull and monotonous life, you can wander off to this beautiful place which has so much to offer. You can visit Aurobindo's Ashram, go to Matri Mandir for meditation, or take an evening stroll at the beach.

I remember visiting this place 2 years back with my family on a five day trip. And trust me, i felt 5 days were less to explore the rich culture and history of this town.

My favorite places on the Earth -I

Panoramic view of San Fransisco! Captured by my lens


In just one visit, it became one of my favorite places on the Earth! :)
The amazing weather, breathtaking view of the city, the cable car ride, Golden gate bridge
everything was so intriguing. Cannot wait to go to this place again :D

But the best thing about this city is the relaxed lifestyle. Despite being a popular tourist destination, the regular hustle bustle and cacophony is absent. A visit of this city certainly helped me get rid of my 'Fear of missing out' :D

TRAVELER FOR LIFE!...A roadtrip

In seventeen years, six months and fourteen days that I have added weight to the planet earth, I cannot recall a single year in which my family did not pack their luggage and venture out on a vacation. This explains their alacrity to explore a new place, ignoring price sensitiveness.

I have traveled so much, that I jokingly tell my friends that If I ever write an autobiography, it would seem more like a travelogue! 

A few weeks ago, we planned to go on a road trip to the Niagara falls. The mention of the word 'road trip' was enough to make my heart to do a mini jig :D I SO love journeys! By train or by road. Vomiting and restroom problems, notwithstanding.

It was supposed to be an eight hour journey. Preparation begun 2 days in advance. Why? Well the cynicism of my mother of not finding a vegetarian restaurant on our way delayed our trip by a day. After frying 70 odd puris , and packing 30 odd diapers for my baby cousin on board, the trip kick started.

The drive to Buffalo city from New york offers some breathtaking views of the countryside. I saw some visuals which took me back to the cartoons I saw when I was five. The big red barns, mare grazing on hills, crystal clear lakes made me rub my eyes in amazement. 

It seemed like a movie, the proximity of my loved ones, the smooth roads and the pictures painted on the canvas of nature.

Stopped by for a cup of tea. Saw a squirrel and got excited!. HAD to capture this one

We occasionally stopped at Dunkin donuts or Subway to re-energize with a cup of coffee or tea, stare wide eyed at the picturesque landscape and also take a few photographs :D

Destination Niagara!

After an eight hour long drive, we had arrived at our destination. But for the first time, the path, the journey seemed much more exciting than the destination. The roads were much more tempting and fun than the falls, and I was fretting over the fact that the journey had come to an end. 

I had to fight the urge to get out of the car. Not because of my crooked back or stomach overstuffed with Puri and bhaji,or newtons third law of motion. Its the spell that road trips cast on you....that refuses to wash off from the mental cabinet of your brain even as the years roll by.

Writing this post, would be difficult.
This was the first thought that had come to my mind when i had logged into my account after a month long break from writing.
Why? is the question that would immediately pop up in your head. But I would ask you to hold on there, as it is quite a task for me to conceal the jubilation that i am feeling at this precise moment. Another interrogative, but answering that may make me seem like a braggart (mind you! i am extremely conscious about my blogger image)

Amid st the phantasmagoria that engulfs my mind, I would like to rewind a year back,when I had just entered class 12th. Changing schools had never been easy, but to say that changing school in the last year of school life was an ordeal, would be an understatement. I had to constantly juggle between academics which demanded extra attention now, and also peer pressure and jealousy ,something that is inevitable in high school. Also, the burden of sky high expectations from teachers, parents and 'well-wishers' weighed heavily on my shoulders. Bad grades, excess competition, insecurities and my non-existent social life worsened the matter, I often found myself crying to myself at night, trying to reason with the hundreds of 'what ifs?'  that would frequently pop up in my head.

As board exams inched closer, the level of anxiety zoomed. The number of study hours increased, and TV hours became negligible. Hundreds of phone calls, doubt classes and question answer sessions occupied my time table. But on the day of the first exam,I was rather surprised to see my anxiety level nosedive to a shocking 0."I have given my best, leaving God to the rest." Are the words that I had uttered before entering the examination hall.

 I remember myself crying after my English and Accountancy board exam which had not gone as well as I had expected them to go. But all this is history now. I'm proud, not only because of my result, but because I gave in all that I could, worked as hard as I could and saw a facet of myself which was alien to me. I'm glad that I surpassed the benchmark set by my parents and teachers.

The crux of the post would be that , you have one life. No matter what you do, learn to do it to the best of your abilities. Challenge yourself, and surprise yourself. With constant determination, focus and the blessing of your loved ones you can surely move mountains! Even as everything ends, If you can proudly say that you have done your best, you have emerged victorious.

Who are you to judge?

As I type this, my eyes have narrowed into slits and I can only see the subject bar of my blog. Reason? Maybe you got it right.I have been crying since nearly two hours now because of my accountancy board examination.

Accountancy is the most dreaded subject for commerce students usually (exempt those who can do three digit calculations before you can say Jack Robinson) . Throughout the year I worked as hard as I could in accountancy. Solved many sample papers, memorized the theory, tried to get my concepts clear, but as realization dawns, everything seems worthless now. The damage has been done, beyond redemption.

Though, I cannot blame myself for it. When you get a wrong 8 marker, your confidence does shake and has an impact on your rest of the paper. But what I fear is the fact that I will be answerable to numerous people who have been my pillars of strength throughout the year. My dad, who took a 4 day off before my accountancy paper. My teacher, who constantly believed in me. I feel sad to have let all of them down.

This is for the smart souls, who are probably going to key in my roll number to get my result, probably even before me. Don't judge a persons Intelligence by his/her report card. 3 Hours judge NOTHING. Don't try to elevate yourself and derive sadistic pleasure from some other persons's result. Learn to be sensitive, learn to empathize.

Quoted

Board exams, my bleak prospects of making into a college of my choice, the impasse political situation of our nation and the sudden intrusiveness of the 'concerned' relatives....is all taking a toll on me and draining me of energy, and the inability to change anything in the above mentioned issues, troubles me more. But that won't dampen my spirits and my love for writing. (Atleast for now :p)
After all, there are SO MANY things to look forward too. SO MANY! :D I am going around for coachings, giving Skype interviews, extempores, morning walks, and basking in the joy of being a pass out :D (Just as i wrote this sentence, the flip side hit me immediately, but I'm not going to wander off in that trail now.)

This is not a full fledged write up, but just to let all of you know that I AM ALIVE. In all senses, by all means. And life is definitely going to be better in the next three or four years and I am desperately looking forward ti it!

Random rants

I am sorry for all the times I lost my temper,
For the times I was rude.
For all the gifts that were given,
And all the never received 'thank yous'

For all the love that was given,
And I haven't given back.
For all the times, you were patient,
A virtue that I lack.

I'm sorry for all the people,
To whom I was so cruel.
To all the people I laughed at,
I acted like a fool.

I'm sorry for all the times I lied,
For the people I hurt along the way.
Not a day goes by that I don't regret it,
And I'd take it any day.

I know that it is a little late,
My deeds can't be undone.
I now realize that I was wrong,
And I'm sorry everyone.

-Unknown

A year wiser, A year better.

The day started on an innocuous note. My grandmother woke me up at 5 in the morning to wish me so I had got just 3 hours of sleep. As I woke up groggily, my parents and sister started hugging and wishing  me rather unceremoniously! That is what I like about birthdays, people express their affection. Physically, and verbally.

Nothing worth mentioning happened till the noon, I was rather surprised that some of my closest friends had not called me yet. But constant phone calls and text messages from other people helped to wander away those thoughts. Even I forget birthdays! I reminded myself.

As I went to take a bath, my mother insisted that I should wear some 'good' clothes. Unsuspectingly I followed her advice and dressed up in blue pants and a black pull over. Standing in front of the mirror, running my fingers through my hair, I heard the doorbell ring. I opened the gate and was shocked to see some of my friends with a bunch of 17 balloons, a cake and gifts in their hands! I was too perplexed to say anything and just hugged all of them one by one. Suddenly my mom telling me to wear good clothes made sense. They had planned it all, together. And that was the beauty of it.

The best things in life come to you, when you don't have expectations. My 17th birthday may not have been my best birthday so far, but it did fulfill my life long dream of a surprise party :p There were a lot of unexpected people who called up to wish, and some people who did not. But that did not dampen my spirits or make me look back.For the first time, I was living in the moment. I understood the essence of the phrase and was cherishing every moment of the day and thanking God for making me a year older, and a year wiser.